SELF-ESTEEM, SELF-CONFIDENCE AND SELF-IDENTITY
Self-esteem increases your chance of finding happiness in life and it makes it possible to cope with life’s disappointments and changes. Self-esteem is vital to your psychological well-being without it we can easily slip into depression/anxiety. Your level of self-esteem affects virtually everything you think, say and do. It affects how you see the world and your place in it. It affects how others in the world see you and treat you. It affects the choices you make. It affects your ability to both give and receive love. I have been teaching and treating clients on self-esteem issues for over 20 years and I would be glad to share that knowledge and the tools to feeling self-confident with you.

CLINICAL DEPRESSION
Do you feel like your thoughts are running rampant and they are keeping you from sleeping, eating correctly and having the energy you need to get through your daily chores? Do you feel hopeless or helpless to change things? Do you feel worthless or have inappropriate guilt? Is your concentration poor and do you feel you are having troubles making decisions? Are you finding it difficult to do your usual responsibilities? Many times depression is caused by unresolved issues from childhood or a situation or crisis that might have occurred recently. Our distorted thinking turns everything into negative thinking and the results can interfere with our daily duties and any chance of finding happiness. I have been treated for DEPRESSION years ago and I personally know how it can affect every aspect of your life. The happiness, joy and self-respect you can gain by taking your DEPRESSION seriously is well worth taking the time to make yourself your number one priority.

SELF-DEFEATING BEHAVIORS
Some of the characteristics of self-sabotaging behaviors are as follows: Comparing yourself to others; having unrealistic expectations; perfectionism; having a fear of commitment, fear of rejection and/or abandonment; focusing on the negatives, like the “what ifs,” needing to be in control, and/or constantly worrying; feeling unworthy and/or constantly making excuses why you can’t change; Feeling impatient and wanting quick results; always needing others validation and/or approval. All self-defeating behaviors lead down the road to unhappiness and never feeling good enough. They create their own distorting thinking which only makes us feel worse about ourselves and again we can easily slip into depression. Taking back the power of your positive, more realistic thoughts and learning how to silence the distorting thinking is the goal of stopping your self-defeating behaviors. The MIND does lie to us and if it is true “we are what we think” then it is probably time for you to learn how to change your thinking.

ATTENTION DEFICIT [HYPERTENSIVE] DISORDER
Many clients come in thinking they are suffering from anxiety or depression and find that they would never diagnosed correctly if at all in childhood with ADD/ADHD. If you find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention and/or easily distracted chances you could be suffering from ADD/ADHD. If you are disorganized and poor at finishing up tasks, have memory difficulties, sleep disturbance and relationship problems you probably are suffering from ADD and/or ADHD. Many people with ADD/ADHD are highly creative, have high energy levels, are willing to take risks and have numerous other strengths. But they also can be suffering from low self-esteem, depression/anxiety, moodiness and maybe even substance abuse. In most cases your spouse, friends, co-workers etc. can see the symptoms before you do. Untreated ADD/ADHD not only affects your life as an individual but it also negatively affects almost all couples/relationships in a negative manner. There are numerous techniques/tools I can teach you to get a handle on ADD/ADHD so you can concentrate on your strengths instead of your weaknesses.

LISTEN AND THEN LISTEN SOME MORE
You will learn how to communicate more clearly, express feelings, stop blaming, learn to cope with anger and learn to be more open to solving your relationships problems. We will learn a conflict resolution model, how to listen without judgment, move past self-defeating games and even how to utilize “time outs” when feelings are escalating. You will see what BLOCKS are hindering your communication with your partner and you will taught the SKILLS necessary to replace those blocks. A step by step process will be used by utilizing video exercises, practicing face to face in couple sessions, and doing homework exercises during and outside of sessions. Individuals are strongly encouraged to come in to meet staff so I can determine your values, attitudes, opinions about what you think is going on “telling your side of the story” before any couple/relationship sessions are scheduled. In this way I can learn more about who you are and what it is you want out of this relationship and how committed you are to moving forward.

ANGER
Anger is fueled by pain: hurt, shame, fear, frustration, guilt, threats to self-esteem, back/head/neckache. Any kind of distress can trigger your anger. Are you lashing out, blaming others, finding yourself wanting revenge, yelling, afraid of confrontation, withdrawing instead of listening, using self-defeating behaviors to run from your relationship? You may want to consider learning a new approach before those around you decide they can’t live with this anymore. Some hidden anger signs might be: procrastination - habitual lateness -disturbing dreams - getting tired more easily - excessive irritability -clenched jaws - chronically stiff or sore neck or shoulder muscles - chronic depression - stomachaches and many more physical and psychological signs. See more on Self-Defeating Behaviors.

DISTORTED THINKING
The MIND DOES LIE TO US - What you tell yourself everyday can harm you! Do you tend to use all or nothing thinking - discount positives - jump to conclusions -use should have’s, could have‘s, if only statements - constantly put yourself down - blame others or yourself and make self defeating statements you may want to learn how to untwist your thinking. This kind of DISTORTED THINKING can physically make you sick, cause depression and anxiety and cause numerous relationship difficulties. Learn how to identify these distortions, look at the cost-benefit to utilize this negative thinking, examine the evidence, define the terms and learn a Semantic Method to focus on your strengths rather than your weaknesses.

JOURNEY TO THE SOUL
What is your ‘PURPOSE” for being here? Have you created a sacred contract with your “self?” What is the source of your personal truth? Do you pay attention to your energy drains? Do you know what you need rather than what you want? Do you trust and pay attention to the subtle insights, feelings and hunches you have? What is MISSING in your life? What changes would you most like to see happen this coming year? Crisis and challenges enter our lives and we may not know, recognize or have the tools to utilize to transport ourselves form one point in our lives to another point. Did you know that our thoughts and feelings are recorded in every one of our cells and this helps determine who we are as emotional, psychological and spiritual beings? If you are willing to participate fully in ht process of considering a deeper meaning of self you will find the wisdom necessary to help you through your life’s journey. Why not allow me to help guide you in finding your purpose?

SETTING PERSONAL BOUNDARIES
Learning how I treat you; how I let you treat me; and how I treat myself is all about setting limits with others and yourself. I will help you distinguish/identify emotional, psychological, spiritual, and physical boundaries. I will assist you in recognizing when your boundaries are being crossed and when you are crossing other’s boundaries. You will earn how to develop boundaries and to teach others how to treat you. Healthy boundaries define who you are as an individual and who you are in relationship to others. Healthy boundaries empower us to have self-discipline, maturity, and strength of character. Healthy boundaries empower us to stand up to manipulators, co-dependents, dysfunctional individuals/families, aggressive individuals, and those that do not understand who you are as a person with needs of your own.

CO-DEPENDENCY
Where do you end and where do I begin?” is the question many individuals have, especially individuals that live with or have lived with addicts, perfectionists, passive-aggressive individuals, abusers, dysfunctional families, overprotective parents, and numerous other problematic situations. Sometimes boundaries have been too close, too distant, too rigid, too flexible and/or too permeable. Do your good feelings stem from helping others, being liked by others, receiving approval from others, pleasing others, solving other’s problems and being defined by others? I will help you begin to value yourself, determine who and what you stand for, set limits/boundaries with others and for yourself. Your self-esteem will be bolstered by taking care of your SELF rather than taking care of others. Your self-identity will be determined by teaching others how to treat you in a fair and equitable manner. You will begin to value your opinions and way of doing things rather than letting others determine that for you. You will start to feel secure in your decisions, boundaries, and self-identity.

MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING
CarolAnn has been working with couples for 19 years and has learned an immense amount of knowledge from them that she utilizes in her approach to couples/relationship therapy. She meets with couples as individuals first so she can determine your individual values, opinions, goals, attitudes and what you feel are the problems in your relationship. As individuals meet with CarolAnn issues that might be hindering you as an individual will be addressed and resolved. Relationship “tests” will be given to find what the major issues are that need to be addressed down the road to help Carol Ann develop a “curriculum/process” that fits your needs. After that, couples are taught communication techniques to address these difficulties in a manner that is respectful and helpful to your relationship. In the process of doing this other issues that are hindering your relationship that need to addressed might be one or more of the following: Essential Features of INTIMACY - self-disclosure - authenticity - helping behaviors - acceptance - positive regard - trust - similarities - commitment FAIR FIGHTING - not running away, staying and listening, paraphrasing, recognizing your “anger triggers” and body warning signals, sticking to the issue - stopping “stockpiling”- recognizing your blocks to respectful communication-etc.

SETTING BOUNDARIES
Learning to ask for what you need, setting your limits, determining who you are and what you will allow and not allow.